For whatever reason, failure to bear children is one of the most difficult and stressful situations to be in. It becomes even more difficult for the wife if she can not conceive because traditionally she is to blame if she can not bear children for her husband. After all the husband paid all that lobola (bride price) so she can bear him children.
Couples go through a lot of pain and stress because of pressure from relatives if they can not have children. It does not matter to the relatives that it’s not within their control. If the wife can not bear children for the husband, then there will be no peace, always trouble with the in laws. Only a few can accept that the husband can fail to bear children.
However there was also a secret tradition of using a sperm donor if the husband could not bear children. Even the husband was not supposed to know of this arrangement by his family to use a sperm donor.
Traditionally in the case when the husband’s family acknowledge that their own son could not bear children, then it was the responsibility of the chosen few elders to convene a meeting and arrange for a suitable sperm donor to use.
The system was very much different from the western culture type of sperm donor where one can go to the different sperm banks and hospitals:
Traditionally it was mostly the husband’s own young brother who would be chosen to bear children for him. It was so secret even the husband was not supposed to know that his own brother is sleeping with his wife. He was never supposed to know that himself can not bear children. It was just proper for family relations since no one could approve of someone sleeping with his wife, even your own brother.
Not even the young brother was allowed to say anything about it. He was not even supposed to have a love relationship with his brother’s wife. His duty was just to bear children for the brother.
Unlike in the Western world, only the husband’s brother could bear children for him. This meant the blood line of the family continues, and again the children will have the same totem (mutupo). With the western system you can end up with five children all with different totems. Totems embody the unification, collective pride and aspirations of a clan and it’s ancestry.
There are major complications that can arise between our culture and the use of the modern sperm banks, regarding the social identity of a clan.
The young brother was still expected to get married and have his own family. It was not his responsibility to look after his ‘brother’s’ children.
So was this a better way of helping couples to have children? I guess during those times the system was working very well in families. Does it work in this current world we are living in?
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January 1st, 2008 at 1:21 am
Interesting? Does the wife have a choice. For those that are desperate – and there are some desperate people out there then it’s an option. Personally the idea disgusts me.
January 2nd, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Some of these things where never in your hands. Your life was decided by a group of elders and you just had to follow their ‘wise’ decisons. Myself I do not agree with some of these things. Women did not have much say in most decisions.
I don’t think there was any passion in these marriages, it must have been about having as many children as you can. Looks didn’t matter much.
I think the traditional man lost out on all the good things in women coz his life was controlled by a group of elders.