It's supposed to be one of the best days in one's life. It was supposed to be the best day for the Shumba family, finally their daughter who has been in London for some years was getting married. With everyone gathered for the traditional marriage of their daughter, this was supposed to be a happy day for the whole family, until the Jamaicans arrived in the village.
Culture is very dynamic, YES, but our traditions seem to have passed the test of time. With millions of Zimbabweans now living in different parts of the world, many are learning and taking up the values, moral and cultures of the communities in which they are no residing. But how much of these foreign cultures will be acceptable back in Zimbabwe?
But as Chenai(not her real name) found out, some things are not acceptable in our more traditional Zimbabwean culture. Chenai's parents divorced because of her choices of partner. Her mother is now living in Malawi after she was send away by her father.
Chenai's parents did not divorce because she was getting married to a Jamaican. IN fact it was because she was marrying a Jamaican woman. Since she came to England, Chenai has probably learnt that it's okay for a woman to marry another woman. But for her father that was a NO NO NO. Now Chenai has to live the rest of her life knowing she was responsible for the divorce of her parents.
From what we have heard, Chenai did not let her parents know that the would be 'husband' was in fact another woman. Instead the parents were left to find out on the day of the traditional ceremony, from the Jamaican go-between (munyayi/sadombo).
Chenai's mother was send away, because according to the father she knew all about her daughter's relationship for she had visited her in England the year before.
It seems some things will never be accepted no matter how much culture changes. But for the Shumba family, life will never be the same again since the day their daughter decided to get married to another woman.
Police in Kinshasa have arrested 13 people suspected of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises. The arrests came after after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings caused by the alleged witchcraft in Congo.
Beliefs in witchcraft remains widespread in Africa where different ritual killings still occur. Rumours of penis theft began circulating last week and victims claimed a simple touch by these alleged sorcerers made their genitals shrink or disappear.
Some residents of Kinshasa think it's just a joke, but could this be real? Is it possible that someone can shrink or worse still make your genitals disappear?
Well, some residents of Kinshasa it's an attempt to extort cash with a promise of a cure.
Feel Free to leave your contribution by posting your comment.
However there are some cultures which don't celebrate Valentine's Day, whilst some see it as another commercial day to make money out of people's emotions.
People celebrate Valentine's Day in different ways. Valentine's day gifts also differ according to our tastes, but how do you choose the perfect happy Valentine's Day gift for your partner? Is it okay to ask your partner or it's supposed to be a surprise? What are the some examples of gifts that can be bought on Valentine's Day.
I was also just wondering whether Valentine's Day involve showing love and affection to everyone including your parents, elders and your neighbours?
Or could it also be a day to show love to the less privileged members of society, they also need to be loved.
Male bosses have been warned to beware of the 'office piranhas', women who target senior colleagues for financial gain. This was a message from Diane Benussi who runs a law firm handling high-value divorce cases. She said piranhas want a high-earning, high-virility man to marry.
"Piranhas hang on for the kill and rip any man to shreds", she added.
To me it seems this is another breed of business minded women. They are never in it for the love, never in it for the marriage. They just identify the opportunity to make money and they make the most of it.
This reminds me of another breed of women, the one who goes after married man. She does not mind having an affair with a married man, she is after breaking other peoples relationships. Tondy says the women is possessed by the spirit Jezbel, she wrote a very interesting article, you can read her post here.
This seems to be a trend most common with young women. They are very outgoing and know how to get what they want.
But why is it that man themselves don't learn from other's mistakes? Even with all these high profile divorce cases being reported, some man still behave like teenagers chasing after women.
Even the senior company executive (sugar daddies), you will find him falling for these young girls. Young enough to be their children. Why blame these women, if there is an opportunity to make money, who will let it pass them? They are not stealing from anyone.
Men need to grow up, is it that difficulty to love the one women you have at home? These divorces cause a lot of suffering in families and affects the behavior of some of the kids of today.
The decisions that we make will shape our destiny, men are willing participants in these relationships. Why should we blame the women? Should we not blame these man as well?
For whatever reason, failure to bear children is one of the most difficult and stressful situations to be in. It becomes even more difficult for the wife if she can not conceive because traditionally she is to blame if she can not bear children for her husband. After all the husband paid all that lobola (bride price) so she can bear him children.
Couples go through a lot of pain and stress because of pressure from relatives if they can not have children. It does not matter to the relatives that it's not within their control. If the wife can not bear children for the husband, then there will be no peace, always trouble with the in laws. Only a few can accept that the husband can fail to bear children.
However there was also a secret tradition of using a sperm donor if the husband could not bear children. Even the husband was not supposed to know of this arrangement by his family to use a sperm donor.
Traditionally in the case when the husband's family acknowledge that their own son could not bear children, then it was the responsibility of the chosen few elders to convene a meeting and arrange for a suitable sperm donor to use.
The system was very much different from the western culture type of sperm donor where one can go to the different sperm banks and hospitals:
Traditionally it was mostly the husband's own young brother who would be chosen to bear children for him. It was so secret even the husband was not supposed to know that his own brother is sleeping with his wife. He was never supposed to know that himself can not bear children. It was just proper for family relations since no one could approve of someone sleeping with his wife, even your own brother.
Not even the young brother was allowed to say anything about it. He was not even supposed to have a love relationship with his brother's wife. His duty was just to bear children for the brother.
Unlike in the Western world, only the husband's brother could bear children for him. This meant the blood line of the family continues, and again the children will have the same totem (mutupo). With the western system you can end up with five children all with different totems. Totems embody the unification, collective pride and aspirations of a clan and it's ancestry.
There are major complications that can arise between our culture and the use of the modern sperm banks, regarding the social identity of a clan.
The young brother was still expected to get married and have his own family. It was not his responsibility to look after his 'brother's' children.
So was this a better way of helping couples to have children? I guess during those times the system was working very well in families. Does it work in this current world we are living in?
It is a well known tradition that before you even think of making some one's daughter pregnant you should pay lobola (bride price/dowry) for her. If for whatever reason that one decides not to follow this old age tradition then a fine must be paid by the would be son in law. By the way, the fine is for being in contempt of court (kuzvidza Dare).
It has always been recognised that getting married first before starting a family shows respect for the in Laws.
So how do we charge these damages? This is entirely up to the girl's family, and may not be negotiable. By the way it's supposed to be a punishment for being a naughty boy. The cost will also be determined by the girls social status, the higher the level of education the higher the price. If she is employed you also pay higher because you are likely to use some of her money.
Damages will not be part of the bride price. You may also have to pay more again depending with the social standing of the girl. Whether this is a fair system, I don't know, I guess like a court it may not be fair depending on which side of the law you are on.
For those who don't know our tradition, like our foreign son in laws. I'm sorry but ignorance of the law has no defence, after all the girl knows how it should be done.
There is another issue of single mothers, the law is still the same. You should get married first, I know there are some people who think this is wrong, but I tell you there is nothing wrong here. Kuzvidza Dare kuzvidza Dare chete (you are still in contempt of court). It does not matter even if someone has paid damages for her before.
After we have finished the whole process of paying Lobola and formalising the relationship, you now become my son in law.
We can even go to the township, where I will expect you to buy me beer. Not masese (opaque beer), how can I drink that after my daughter/sister has just been married.
Remember that old saying, mukuwasha muwonde hauperi kudyiwa ende hukama igasva huno zadziswa nekudya.
This is all meant to make you a good son in law, to all you my brothers still to get married, it's expensive these days. Now you even pay in foreign currency if you stay outside the country. You can not lie because you skin and your actions will betray you.
Do you think I will make a good father in law? you are right I will.
